Still Scared

3 min read

I'm Amanda and I am 27 years old. I became pregnant with my third child in June of 2011. To be honest I wasn't happy about this pregnany for a while because the pregnancy right before it I had a stillborn at 34 weeks and I wasn't supposed to get pregnant again for three years. And certainly not until I had undergone many tests because the reasons for my sons abnormality was still unknown. I was pregnant anyway and so came to be happy with it towards the end though I was still terrified something would go horribly wrong. I gave birth to my second daughter in March of 2012. I was in love instantly. About 3 days after we got home I started feeling awful! I couldn't breathe I was having very scary doom filled thoughts. I thought it was postpartum depression. Since I had gone through that so deeply with my son I called 911 right away. When I got into the ambulamce they told me my heart rate was half what it should be. And my the time I arrived at the hospital it was at 19bpm. I recieved adrenalin which did NOT make me feel better, I felt like my head was splitting in two to be honest and I stayed in the ICU for seven days. On the third day of extreme discomfort and an inability to breathe the told me I had PPCM. They also told me it was rare and they were still learning about it. The doctors tried to get me to stop breast feeding. That was probably the only time I laughed hysterically while in the ICU. I breast fed her until she was two and it never once made me feel worse. If anything it made me feel better.

My husband now was my boyfriend then. He told me he was already going to ask me, but now that things seemed dire he couldn't wait anymore. And that he refused to allow me to leave this earth without telling me how much he loved me and asking me to marry him. I asked him why he would want to teather himself to a woman who would never be able to give him children(this child was not his) and might not even make it through the day. He told me simply that I was his and he was mine and love means more than babies and sickness. And that's why they put "in sickness and in health" in the marriage vows. Of course, I said yes.

I was told that I have an interesting case because my heart did not enlarge like most. It stayed the same size but instead failed in other ways. One valve enlarged separate from the others and was barely passing any blood through it. And two of my valves had srpung leaks. Small, but still leaking. I was told I had only 55% heart function. My dieat was changed for a day. Then I was told I could eat normally. I was giving blood thinning shots, then I was taken off.

After I left the hospital I went to a cardiologist. They made me where a heart monitor for a week and they said nothing weird happened the whole time. Which I thought was strange since I felt like garbage. Then he gave me an echo and confirmed what the hospital already believed. I was never put on anything and never saw him again as my insurance was cancelled that same week. I was on Medicade and anyone on medicade knows they only give you so long after your pregnancy to continue the insurance. Luckily during this time i was able to get a 5 year IUD for birth control. I have tried since then to get insurance MANY times and it has been the HARDEST road. Many tearful phone calls. My pride even broke down enough for some tearful phonecalls full of begging "I need help, SOMEONE please help me!" But it was all for naught. I still don't have coverage and can't affor the $380 a month Obamacare insurance. I have gone to the hospital after fainting spells. When I have had chest pains. My hospital bills are out of control. I recently found out I have Myasthentia Gravis. Some auto immune disorder. It seems there is no whortage of things in my life put there to make my faith stronger.

My husband and I got married November of 2012 ( we did it fast just in case) and he is now 100% disabled through the marine corps. I have just finished filling out the application for VA insurance and we will see what comes of it. Constant prayer is the way of our household.

I wish I could I could give My husband a child of his own. I was i knew my current condition more clearly than how I feel. I wish this had never happened at all. I wish I would chase my daughters in a game of tag without feeling like fainting. I wish...If wishes we fishes then we'd all swim in riches. I just thank God I'm here, and I hope I'm here to stay.

Thank you for listening.

My Details

  • Date Diagnosed: 27/03/2012
  • Child: 3
  • Initial EF: not sure
  • Current EF: not sure

Story By Amanda Gentry

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I have a hard time finding another story quite like mine no matter how hard I look. I was 26 and pregnant with my second

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